When is sex not sex?

I was reading the paper the other day and was smacked upside the head (no pun intended) by an article on oral sex. If just the term “oral sex” makes you squirm, then you might not want my opinions on this. But opinions I have. The reason being, this article was about teens and their beliefs about that particular activity – and I’m worried. As the mother of two girls who are becoming old enough not to believe that “oral sex” means “sex you only talk about,” I’m always aware of the types of messages they might be receiving from their friends or through the media. The report being discussed in the paper stated “about one in five 14 year olds have tried oral sex and one in three intend to have it within the next six months.” Now hold up – I HAVE a 14 year old and if she’s that “one in five” they’re talking about, I’d be truly surprised. If she’s the “one in three” they’re talking about, SHE will be truly surprised – because she won’t be leaving the house any time in the next six months. Look… I’m not old-fashioned. I sure as hell don’t have my head buried in the sand (or anywhere else) when it comes to the realities of growing up in today’s less-than-innocent world. As much as I’d love to think my daughters would want to wait to share such intimate acts with someone they truly love, I can’t allow myself to be that naïve. Some risks are worth taking. Others are not. Parents who still harbor the “not MY kid” mentality are just fooling themselves. Most parents I’ve spoken to say they dread the idea of having “the talk” with their kids. I take issue with “the talk” too. Why is it one conversation? Do parents cover everything the burgeoning bags of hormones are going to need to know to stay healthy and safe within a single, 15-minute blush fest? Sorry. Not in our house. We try to foster an open environment at home, much to the sheer agony of both girls. We’ve played such delightful dinner games as “wrong names for body parts” and “do you really know what this means?”… trust me, they eat dinner a lot quicker, if nothing else. The first time I seriously talked sex with each of them, we covered what I thought was a lot… up to and including masturbation. We even discussed birth control. Feel free to tell me I’m wrong for bringing up birth control with a 9 year old but, if she is curious enough to ask, I am strong enough to tell. At the end of our chat, she looked at me and said “Know what Mom? When I grow up, I’m going to remember to say “No condom? No way!” I’m no prude. In fact, I’m very open-minded. More than anything, I love my kids. I love them enough to know that, even though they are book smart, that’s a world away from street smart. I didn’t discuss oral sex in those first conversations. It was one thing I left out. I covered your basic plumbing and procreation. When their eyes started rolling back in their heads, I thought it was enough. Now Health Canada says that 30% of 9th graders have already had oral sex. 14-year-old girls surveyed in the U.S. felt that oral sex didn’t collide with their “moral beliefs” the way “regular sex” does, that it involves little to no risk of sexually transmitted infections (?!) … oh and, naturally, it allows them to save themselves for marriage. So, there you have it. Young people are out there, engaging in highly intimate behavior that they think is no big deal. They believe oral sex isn’t “real sex” so that makes it just fun and games. And their parents can’t get them to eat BROCCOLI?