Under My Big Top (and it's NOT what you think!)

In the past, I’ve referred to our home as “the circus.” Today, it dawned on me JUST how accurate that really is. I’m the ringmaster. So… LAAAAAAADIES AND GENTLEMEN! CHILDREN OF ALL AGES! Welcome to the “Ding-a-ling Members, Laugh-at-‘em-daily Circus!” We’ll entertain you for hours! Let me introduce our line-up of performers… First we have Dad - or Dee Dee, as he’s known under THIS big top. He’s multi-talented! He’s our strong man - with the mettle to lift and move all manner of furniture, appliances and sleeping children. You’ll be amazed at his ability to focus on a video game while simultaneously blocking out all interference (you know… ringing phones, screeching children, his WIFE). You’ll be in awe of how many hours he can actually sleep without any appearance of stirring! You’ll wonder how he can possibly avoid the slamming doors, thudding laundry baskets and heavy sighs of the ringmaster, LITERALLY IN HIS EAR, and continue to snore with such tenacity. You’ll be shocked and astounded at the sheer volumes and variations of sounds he can emit – from all possible locations! Then we have our acrobat! The elder of our two female performers, this beautiful young lady is capable of walking any tightrope extended between what she wants to do and what her parents want her to do! She’s an escape artist, without equal! She manages to get out of anything. Doing laundry! Cleaning her room! No matter how often a task is thrown at her, she wiggles her way free. It’s astounding, ladies and gentlemen, how one acrobat has the talent to almost DISAPPEAR completely from view when there’s work to be done. Her slight of hand is unparalleled. She can shuffle objects around and make you BELIEVE she’s tidied up. Just don’t look in the closet! And here comes our youngest performer! You’ll marvel at nature’s rare creation and wonder out loud how monkey, clown, magician, caricaturist and ferocious lion have been rolled together into one small package – that GIGGLES when you poke it! This squeaky toy of a child will keep you guessing… you never know WHAT’S going to come out when you give her a squeeze. A mess of pre-pubescent hormones, she laughs! She cries! She emits several “Dee-Dee-worthy” noises at the drop of a top hat! Maybe you’d like a visit from our traveling show? Stand wayyyy back and gape in amusement as three out of four performers – all over the height of 5’7” – emerge from the bowels of a two-door Honda Civic hatchback. Then participate in a rousing round of “find the squeaky toy child” – first one to find what corner she’s been crammed into and successfully extract her – wins a prize!! I’m your ringmaster! It’s my job to crack the whip and keep this two-ring act in motion. Admission’s free. Enter at your own risk! Everyone is WELCOME to feed the animals. That’ll be one LESS job for the ringmaster! Please rescue… errr… JOIN me for the frivolity and insanity that is OUR FAMILY CIRCUS.