Squeaky Beans!

Recently, I started asking people “What makes you shiver?” … and got such enlightened responses as, “You mean like a pee shiver???” Ummmmmm. No. There are the amazing kinds of shivers that hit you when you’re listening to a sad song or when the person you love most in the world looks deep into your eyes and tells you they love you too. Those are nifty. But the ones I was asking about are those quirky little things that make your blood run cold, your scalp tingle, the hair on the back of your neck stand on end… THOSE shivers. My “research” actually began thanks to my brother-in-law. Having invited him and my sister to a family dinner, I wanted to be sure that I served foods that everyone enjoys. So, in a phone call to my sister, I asked if he eats green beans. To which she replied, “Yes – but not squeaky beans.” Beg your pardon? Thinking my cooking skills were perhaps not what I had previously believed, I politely inquired, “What the HELL are squeaky beans?” She laughed and explained that, since our family prefers to steam most of our vegetables, he doesn’t like beans that “squeak” when you bite into them… as lightly steamed beans have a tendency to do. That apparently drives him crazy! After laughing to the point of the aforementioned pee shiver, I decided we’d have broccoli instead. But, truth be told, we ALL have our “cringes.” Can you relate to any of these? - Lots of people said the old standby, nails on a blackboard. I have a different “nail shiver.” When I was growing up, my mother would come into my room after I had gone to bed and put away clean laundry. Unfortunately, she wouldn’t just place the clean items on top of what was in the drawer. She would rearrange everything and, in the process, would scraaaaaaaape her nails, and her wedding ring, along the wood drawer bottom. To this day, I can hear that scraping sound in my head and still want to curl up into a fetal position, plug my ears and go “la la la la la…” - As a teen, Wrigley’s chewing gum was very popular with my friends and classmates. I used to watch people pull the stick of gum from the pack with their teeth. One day I decided to try it … and promptly discovered the “set your teeth on edge” sensation of biting into tin foil! I only have to think of it today and a bolt of “cold” races through me! - My daughter reminded me of the wholly unpleasant reaction of eating a frozen treat of any kind then, accidentally and unexpectedly, biting into the wooden stick… ugh! - The last one on my poll results is, I think, the most universal. Stand outside your house in the early morning hours. Watch your neighbor leave their front door, walk to their car… and promptly start… what IS that?!?!?! DANCING???? Nooooooo… 75-year-old Mr. Smith, across the way, is NOT practicing for a hip-hop dance class. He just walked straight through a huge cobweb. I’ve never yet met a person, in this same situation, who doesn’t (a) do some version of the Hokey Pokey, the Stomp, the Macarena or the Boot Scootin’ Boogie or (b) spend the rest of the day scratching, rubbing, obsessively shaking their arms and legs, checking their hair in the mirror or asking people, “Is there something on my BACK?!?!?” Over the years, I’ve heard (and used) a lot of different names to describe these very human, very uncontrollable reactions: the shivers, shakes, quivers, or even “the heebie jeebies.” Problem is, those terms mean different things to different people. To some, they actually convey fear… anxiety… even illness… and that is all just far too serious for my liking. Henceforth, my reactions to these silly situations have a new name: They are my SQUEAKY BEANS. Every person I’ve said it to nods their head, laughs and knows EXACTLY what I’m talking about.