Why every woman should be Santa Claus

I was thinking, with Christmas around the corner and all, that every woman should get a chance to be Santa Claus. We could do it in rotation! Everyone signs up and we each get our turn. I'm sure St. Nick would appreciate the break and, heaven knows, he's got a pretty sweet deal going on. Let's just consider the perks, shall we? When it's your turn to be Santa Claus: ... You must flaunt your jelly belly. If it shakes when you laugh, that would be great! No need to feel guilty for those chocolates you ate. ... You never have to worry about facial hair. Skip the depilatories, the wax and the bleaches. Let it all grow out while good ole Kris hits the beaches. ...You won't have to sort laundry. Whether it's morning, evening or just time for bed, All the clothing you own is the same shade of red ... You will have little folks that actually listen to and respect you. Who really cares if they're your kids or your elves When done with the toys, they clean up by themselves!! ... You get your very own transportation. It's the only ride in town that's getting fuelled up with hay And not a soul in the house wants the keys to your sleigh ... You get ALL the best gossip You know when they are sleeping (and with who!) You know when they're awake (still? At 4 a.m.?) You know if they've been bad or good (you're hoping for bad) And plenty of notes you'll take! What a plan! I can just see it now.... Women will flock from far and wide to be part of this -- no doubt! And since Santa comes but once each year... Oh MY!! Ummm... count me OUT ;)