Jugs and Jarheads

Let me start by saying that I’m not advocating pornography. Let me continue by saying that I am a strong follower of the “to each his own” and “live and let live” schools of thought. Basically, while I do have an opinion about what goes on in the world, I’m sure as hell NOT going to impose that opinion on anyone. If it lives in my head, it’s mine. I own it. You can share it, if you’d like. If you don’t, that’s perfectly ok with me. Having said that, let’s get back to porn. Specifically, one Jenna Jameson. It seems that the military summarily dismissed Ms. Jameson recently, when she was “uninvited” (and, where I come from, we call that “dumped”) from a Marine Corps function. Her boyfriend, Ultimate Fighting Champ Tito Ortiz, was the intended guest of honor but, when the muckity mucks discovered who his girlfriend happens to be, said mucks stuck their fingers in their ears, went “la la la la la la” and pretended the whole invitation process never happened. For anyone who has been living inside a paper bag or under a rock in recent years, Jenna Jameson is a hot commodity in the “adult entertainment” industry. In other words, she makes a bucket load of money showing off her naughty bits – for which, coincidentally, she surely PAID a bucket load of money. Having been the recipient of a fair number of random – and downright raunchy – instant messages from Marines over the years, I think it’s safe to say that MANY in attendance at a military function would be familiar with her work. Rather than rating it “two thumbs up,” I imagine it gets a hearty “hooter HOOAH!” I’m not well-versed in Tito’s triumphs but I’m pretty sure much of his fan base comes from the exact demographic that’s of great interest to the military these days. Finding out he is dating a porn star would just be icing on their cake. It seems, though, that some people have the impression that Ms. Jameson might suddenly decide to jump OUT of the cake. Idiots. If she is not offended at this “un-invitation” then I, and hopefully a lot of women out there, am offended on her behalf. WHAT are these guys thinking? Well, I’m willing to bet one of the first thoughts was, “OH CRAP! I’ll never be able to even look at Jenna Jameson and then survive the searing pain of my wife / girlfriend / date’s press-on nails skewering my genitalia.” The official word, however, was that it wouldn’t be “appropriate” to have her attend the event. Newsflash gents: much as you’d like to think otherwise, porn stars are REAL people. Sure, they have better bodies than almost the entire human race… but, contrary to what your little heads want to believe, they don’t stroll around naked ALL of the time and they don’t play “pick-up-sex” with every pizza delivery guy or swimming pool maintenance man that crosses their path. It makes me wonder exactly what they thought Ms. Jameson would do… stage a fighter’s entrance, half naked, boobs-a-bouncin’, to a rousing rendition of “bow-chicka-bow-wow”?? Perhaps throw Mr. Ortiz on the head table and… well, “head table” is good enough. You get the picture. Wisen up lads. Not every “adult entertainer” is an airhead. Granted, certain parts of them may APPEAR inflatable but that is neither here nor there. I’m sure that Ms. Jameson would have attended the event in a stunning outfit - but nothing that would have been any more “inappropriate” than what other ladies in attendance would choose to wear. I refuse to believe she would be THAT stupid. I have a vivid recollection of one of those fabricated “priceless” photos (you know the ones modeled after the credit card ads?) circulating around the ‘Net a few years ago. A woman attended a military event, in a very revealing, “tied up the sides” black dress, clearly devoid of any form of foundation garment. Dancing with her partner, in the presence of more of those aforementioned muckity mucks in full dress uniform, her bumping and grinding revealed to anyone looking that she… ummm… preferred bare hardwood floor to carpet… if you get my drift? A real class act – and VERY “appropriate.” <... /end sarcasm...> I heartily suggest that some of our current decision makers, leaders of military and industry, pull their collective head out of the dark ‘n’ dirty tunnel it seems to be lodged in and stop imposing their personal beliefs on all and sundry. You object to pornography? Entirely your right and a great many people agree with you. But, in defense of Ms. Jameson, she was not invited to that Marine Corps hoe-down as a representative of her industry. She was not invited to be the evening’s titillating entertainment. She is dating the person that was chosen as their “appropriate” guest of honor. Hmmmm… having Googled a few pictures of Mr. Ortiz, I wonder if they were sweating who in attendance might have found HIM to be the real hottie? Oh right… THAT doesn’t happen in the military either!