It really is WORK at home!

“Hi. My name’s Elaine and I’m an independent contractor.” “Hiiiiiiiiiiiii Elaine.” Ok, so it’s not that bad. I don’t need any particular number of steps JUST yet. A lot of my issues could be solved by a good swift kick in the ass – and I would be on the delivering end. It’s often frustrating to be self-employed. I can live with the short-term contracts, the uncertainty of wondering how well we’ll be eating from one month to the next, the projects that I take because I “need” them rather than “want” them. What I can’t live with are the stupid people. You know them. The people who just don’t get it. Stupid people shouldn’t breed. It makes my life miserable – and, yes, I take it personally. Almost 13 years ago, I did a self-evaluation. The most thought-provoking result was “no longer plays well with others.” In spite of being told I was the quintessential “team player,” I had, at a pretty young age, become bored with the corporate world. I was frustrated by the incredible bitchiness of female senior management and, above all else, was annoyed as hell at office politics. I took a vacation from my full-time job, made plans, came back two weeks later and quit. My boss had two immediate comments. The first was, “WOW! You must have had one helluva great vacation!” and the second was, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. You’ll call me in a few weeks from now, begging for your job back.” For the record, I don’t beg. I wonder if he’s given up waiting for me? I like being independent. I like making my own decisions. What I don’t like are those stupid people. If you are self-employed, you know them. You’ve met them. In the absolute worst-case scenario, you live with them (which, thankfully, I do not). They’re the ones who make these types of brilliant observations: "Oh I’d love to work at home too – all that FREE TIME!" Wrong. All things considered, I seem to have LESS free time than most people I know. Am I complaining? Not one bit. I work long hours and I work hard. I’m proud of my work. I have the privilege of knowing that whatever successes I achieve are my own. On the flip side, I don’t watch soaps, I don’t “do lunch,” I don’t make unnecessary trips to the hairdresser, get massages or have my nails done just to pass the time. My ass is wider than it needs to be because I spend an awful lot of time in this chair, staring at a monitor. Outside of the ass thing, I love it. "Since you’re home anyway, can you (fill in the blank): babysit? walk my dog? wait for the cable guy?" These are people I’d honestly like to smack. Work at home is WORK at home, people! I had a mother interrupt one of my conference calls to utter the following gem: “Oh hey… listen… since you’re going over to the school anyway would you mind driving my daughter home? I was washing windows and I’m so tired. I figured it wouldn’t be an inconvenience for you to help me out since you’re home all day anyway.” ARGH!!!! … Just ARGH!!!! "That so cool! Can you get me a job too?" This really irks me. Not from the perspective that I begrudge anyone an opportunity to do something they love. Basically, I hate the implication that my work is playtime. It’s just for “fun” and anyone with a computer can do it. Here’s the thing – I’ve spent years learning the things I know. I’ve devoted more hours than I care to count, building and growing a skill set that others now value. An internet connection doesn’t let you download experience directly into your brain – and if you download it directly into your resumé, someone’s eventually going to nail you. I recognize that most people don’t understand it’s possible to make a viable living online – well, without being naked. I’ve been asked outright if I work in the sex industry. I don’t, but judging by how much money some of those folks make, maybe I should! I have the utmost respect for people who do an honest day’s work… whether they wear hairnets, scrubs, steel-toed boots or their birthday suit. I get up every single day, don WAY less than titillating attire and set about supporting my family. I’m thinking that’s worthy of a little respect in return. My name’s Elaine… and I’m an independent contractor.